I went from a size 6 to a size 10 (or 12) in the three years since I graduated from college. While I was never the skinniest girl in the bunch, I was able to wear whatever I wanted. Now, my body is completely different from how it was then.
I was diagnosed with depression in my third year of college. College wasn’t kind to me. I wasn’t exactly well liked, but that didn’t affect me as much, because I didn’t personally know the people who absolutely loathed me. I’m not going to play the victim here; I did some pretty awful things back then. But I did spend the last three years trying to hide, whether or not I knew them. I was constantly paranoid. The people and even the school itself still haunt me to this day.
A lot of events lead to the diagnosis, and when it got really bad, I had to take a semester off during my senior year. I’ve been very open about my condition, which I honestly think throws off many people, since I talk about it quite casually. With that said, I’ve been taking meds and they’ve helped quite a lot. Unfortunately, the pills prescribed to me causes major weight gain as a side effect. Before I knew it, I gained about 30-40 lbs. in just about three years.
As I left the school grounds back in 2014, I immediately went on a mission to have a life that was completely different from what I had there. While it wasn’t a conscious effort, I didn’t follow the grain that most of my schoolmates did. I tried to go to places where I didn’t know anybody or where there weren’t any familiar faces. I met a lot of good people from different backgrounds, I got into new hobbies and interests, and I exposed myself to new and exciting things. Not to mention, I enjoyed buckets and buckets of fried chicken. These were simple pleasures that nourished me in many ways. I was glad to live in a world that was so much bigger from the confines my school.
My parents are happy to finally see me eat, after years of being sad at the dinner table. I met my boyfriend, who loves me just as much as I love chicken wings. And My friends couldn’t care less about my bigger body; they know this is the contentment and the happiness I’ve been looking for.
Everybody knows the disheartening feeling when all of your old clothes don’t fit you all of a sudden, but I only realized how much weight I gained when I tried to see if my old clothes still looked good on me. I barely touched my wardrobe from 2009-2014, and the clothes that I wear now are completely different from what I wore back then. Then it hit me. Just like my clothes, I knew I wasn’t the same person as I was five years ago. I actually liked who I was at that moment. I didn’t feel the need to hide anymore. And for the first time in a long time, I finally felt like my true self. I was secure.
I could finally say that I’m happy with myself, beyond my body. If the weight gain was necessary to eventually get the life I’m enjoying and living now, then gladly, I’d take it.